Sunday, 28 December 2008

Goodbyes are very hard


Saying goodbye
Tomorrow would have been my Wedding anniversay - Dick and I spent many happy years together the last 12 years of his life were very hard for him, He was a strong man and other than having Mumps when he was 44 years old he never had an illness. never took time of work.
When he had his first heart attack he had been working in the garden - Lyn happened to glance
out of the window and saw her Dad holding his chest and not looking too well. She ran up the
garden to see what the matter was...he said he was OK, but she knew he was far from that, and
said she was going to telephone me at work - he insisted she didn't - but she did anyway. I told
her to ring the Doctor and I would be home shortly.I raced home, and by the time I arrived the Doctor was there, he confirmed that Dick had a heart attack and was going to ring for an Ambulance ...to take him to the hospital....and that he was to keep lying down until it arrived....well he didn't and when the ambulance arrived he answered the
door, he was well Suntanned and looked extremely well, they asked him where the patient was,
Dick told them he was the patient, they insisted that he lie down in the ambulance as they would
get wrong if anything should happen to him. on the way - he went to the Hospital against his will I might add, and was kept in for about 10 days,

His second heart attack was about 2 years later, he was planning a surprise birthday party for me, but as he was taken back into hospital this never took place.... While in hospital he suffered a
Stroke....he was not paralyzed, but it did effect his brain and speech, he could not speak and when he tried to the words would come out all jumbled and not as he intended them to. it took months of speech therapy and all of his will to overcome this....which to some degree he did....It did effect his hearing ~ funnily enough he could always understand what I said to him.
We go ahead a couple of more years, Dick picked me up from work and said he had not been
feeling well all day... during that evening he was taken bad and collapsed in the bedroom - he was trying to get up off the floor and pushing very hard to do so, I tried to help him but being very small I was of little help.
..I phoned the Doctor who advised me to call an ambulance which I did - I rang Lyn to let her know what was happening - she said she would meet me at the hospital....I waited and waited for
the ambulance to arrive half an hour passed then nearly an hour - Lyn called and wanted to know what was happening.I explained the ambulance had not arrived.... she contacted our Doctor ...who then ordered an Ambulance - it arrived quite soon after that....the paramedics had quite a job to get Dick onto a stretcher...because by then he was barely conscious,
When we arrived at the hospital they did lots of tests, and admitted him onto a ward....
When we visited the next morning the Doctor asked us questions, and he said they understood
Dick had been abroad, I told them he couldn't hear very well and he had actually been on the
Norfolk Broads Not Abroad...
..The Doctor was surprised as Dick had contacted Legionnaire's desease - and this for most people is fatal
.....He was in intensive care for about a week - and thankfully got better against all the odds...and came out of hospital after about three weeks.
I remember sitting having breakfast with him one morning and remarked how well he had been for about a couple of months....when I glanced at his arms - they were covered in big red marks he had got shingles.
Time went on and we got on with life as best we could, Dick coped very well with his disabilities,
and always enjoyed the visits of our grandchildren and Great grandchildren. who he loved dearly.
He was having a bit of trouble with pain in his knees, and on a visit to the hospital they said they
would do a small operation on both knees to help with the pain - He was booked to go into hospital just before Christmas, but this was cancelled at the last moment and deferred until early February...
Christmas came and went and February arrived ,,,Dick went into hospital....the operation went
well, But he caught a bug and was put into isolation, he was very ill and later transfered to Critical care, he then caught another bug, and was put on life support....It was up and down - some days we we were told he was improving ....the next he was getting worse...then holding his own...., this went on for a month - one day when Lyn and I went
into see him he pulled me towards him and gave me a huge big kiss then he did the same to Lyn....
Later on we were called into see the Doctor who told us there was nothing more they could do as
all of Dicks organs were shutting down.
..How do you say goodbye to someone you loved so dearly...and I never imagined us not being together....(we had been together since I was 16) .it is an impossibility......One I have yet to come to terms with..
He had lapsed into a coma.....
He didn't regain consciousness and died March 3rd 2003
The year before Lyn's husband Richard died in April from a massive heart attack - they told us it was so quick he would not have felt a thing he was a big strong man - A farmer who worked all hours that God sent him.
Lyn and I decided she to sell her cottage on the farm and me to sell my bungalow - we put
the money together and bought the Bungalow we live in today. It is a Big place with 5 bedrooms - but we both felt we needed our own space and needed a new beginning......
Ally

37 comments:

I'm mostly known as 'MA' said...

Dear Ally, My heart goes out to you as I know how hard it is. My dear husband died of a sudden massive heart attack at the age of 50. We did have 27 wonderful years together and that was a blessing. He'd never been sick and had a check up with the doc the week before only to find he was in great shape. It was very sudden for him. My sister and I bought a house together as she too was a widow and we both had children. It is called a duplex. Two seperate houses in one as we each have completly separate living spaces and now that our children are grown it is good to know we have each other when needed.
I hope your good memories carry you through as mine do.
'On Ya'-ma

Jan said...

I didnt realise Dick had suffered so much ,Ally and you too share the pain of those you love ,..love Jan xx

Bucko (a.k.a., Ken) said...

Sorry for your loss as you remember this time. The good thing is that you had those 12 years, plus the many before.

Celeste said...

I am so glad that you had so many good years with your husband. Not everyone can say that. I know that tomorrow you will remember the most beautiful day that you 2 shared together, the day that you began your life together.

Adirondackcountrygal said...

Oh Ally, how very sad about your husband. He sounded like a heck of a guy and a real trooper until the end.

Donna said...

Wow, when I read this and then think about Cliff's open heart surgery, I think to myself, "That could have been my husband!"

Thanks for a first-hand account of something I came so close to.

Carlene Noggle said...

Dear Ally,
I know so well how you feel..me and Danny were married almost 35 years and had known each other since we were little kids...the holidays are so hard when you have lost the one love of your life...and the anniversaries...birthdays...I always have a hard time at night..because no matter where Danny had been during the day, he was always home with me at night. I hope the New Year brings you peace and good luck.
love,
carlene

Beth said...

Ally, I am almost in tears after reading this. My heart goes out to you...having found my best friend in Ken, I can't imagine losing him the way you lost your husband.

I'm sending you a very big hug.

Beth

mortonlake said...

oh love.im so sorry.took some courage to write this,but maybe like me you find it helps?hope so.he was a brave man ally and a fighter.you take care,lots of love mort xxx

Ora said...

Oh Ally...I know you didn't mean it..but I have cried a bucket..and know that Dick was just the best of husband and father..and gfather too...so glad you were blessed with the good times to share with one another...and as my hubby has had open heart surgery...it hits closer to home and me!!! Thanks so much for sharing this time with all of us...God Bless you and Lyn this coming New Year...hugs..Ora

Hollie said...

Oh Ally,
I'm so sorry for your loss. I know it was & still is so hard. I'm glad that you & Lyn have one another...lean on each other. Prayers & hugs are being sent your way!

((((HUGS))))

Paula said...

I'm sure from reading my journal you know I've been there too so I'll just say you have my sympathy and love.

Joann said...

Ally, I'm so glad that you have so many years of wonderful memories, too! I'm so sorry that he was taken from you so soon. I'm glad that you have Lyn, and that Lyn has you!!

Nancy said...

Ally,
This entry broke my heart. What difficult times you all went through. And yet, Dick always bounced back for the most part. He just wasn't ready.
I so appreciate you telling this painful memory and trusting us with it. Dick sounds like he was a wonderful, caring, man. He obviously adored you, and you him.
Yes indeed, goodbyes are very hard....sometimes impossible.
Much love,
Nancy

Marie said...

Ally I cannot imagine how this must have hurt to lose this very special man. (((hugs))) My heart goes out to you.

LYN said...

Thank you for writing this Ally..i don't think I had heard the complete story before..I can sense the sadness still in your words..but what a blessing that you and Lyn have each other...she lost her hubby far to soon bless her...
have a Happy new year...

Julie said...

What a sad loss and an empty spot he has left in your heart. He sounds like he was a wonderful man.

Rjet33 said...

You and I are blessed in that we each married the love of our lives. I am sorry you lost him way too soon. My Mom can empathize, as she lost my Dad to a heart attack, but he was sick from a prior heart attack which rendered him disabled a couple of years before his death. He died just shy of their 33rd anniversary Mother's Day weekend in 1999. He was only 52. We all still feel that loss today, as I know you and yours do also. My heart goes out to you. Goodbyes are very hard, I do agree, but as long as you have those wonderful memories, a part of him lives on through you. He is your angel now watching over you.

madcobug said...

I am so sorry that you both had such a hard time of it. When one gets sick it hits the other one just as bad doing all that worring and work that goes with sickness. May God be with you and your daughter. Hugs, Helen

ADB said...

Thank you for sharing that story with us, Ally, a very touching one at that. I am sorry that you lost your husband after such a period of poor health, and hope you hold on to the happy memories at this time of year.

Guido

Jeannette said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jeannette said...

Ally, I didn't know that Dick had suffered so many traumatic illnesses. He must have been a very strong man to keep pulling through. It must be hard to get through the wedding anniversary on your own. My heart goes out to you and Lyn both losing your loved ones far too soon. Jeannette xx

Lippy said...

Ally,
Only love that is true could ever produce the kind of sentiment that was shown here with this entry.

Your husband will live on in your heart, and from the words here today, that is a very good place for him to be. You never really have to say goodbye as long as there is this kind of love to sustain a memory.

Beautifully written. Happy Holidays.

Kelly said...

Up until this entry, I didnt know a lot about you personally. This really opened my eyes to one side of your life. I cant imagine knowing and loving someone for so long, all its rewards, and then eventually losing him. He had a lot on his plate to deal with over the years. I never knew this is how you and Lyn came to live together. So much loss, I am so sorry for both of you, but I am also glad that you and Lyn have each other to lean on. I know when we lost Ians mom, it was so hard. Nothing like losing a spouse. We saw Ians dad go through such pain. I do know that eventually the hurt turned into me thinking of all the good times and good things about Roz. I still miss her, especially when milestones are passed with Shelby and she is not here to see them. Thankyou for sharing this intimate time, it does make one appreciate what we have right now today. BIG BIG HUG, Love, Kelly PS, I got your Christmas card, it was SO PRETTY! Thankyou :)

Yasmin said...

Ican't even imagine what those last years were like but he clearly had a strong spirit, and was a fighter until the end, but you have so many memories of your childhood sweetheart and many good years you spent together raising your family and enjoying your grandchildren.
Happy Anniversary Ally.

Hugs

Yasmin
xx

Joan said...

Dear Ally, I have been reading your journal since we started writing well over three years ago and I recon this must have been the hardest entry you have ever made. It was so sad to read of Dick's fight having gone through two heart attacks with Stuart I know how traumatic it is. My heart went out to you, it is a long time since you mentioned Dick I used to love all his fishing stories you told us. Hope writing all this down yesterday has helped you. Thinking of you today Love Joan.

Joyce said...

I am deeply sorry at your loss and this time of rememberance is so hard I know. I pray the new year ahead will be good to you...and that your good memories will carry you though. Many hugs and love...
Joyce

D said...

hugs to you my friend.. in tears I know this was hard for you to write but also healing and a remarkable tribute. May the new year bring you happiness.
hugs

Linda's World said...

Dear Ally, that must have been difficult for you to write. So much sadness for both you & Lyn. Higs to both of you as you remember those you loved so much. Happy New Year dear Ally. May 2009bring you nothing but happy events. Linda in Washington state

Bunny said...

`I am a widow' - four little words that cover so much for you, Ally.
Thank you for sharing your memories with us. Lyn's too, I didn't know about her premature loss.
Have a very Happy 2009 both of you.
Bunny xx

Jimmy's Journal said...

A touching story, Ally. Remembering the good times is easier, thankfully. May 2009 hold special things for you.

Jimmy

Liz in Virginia said...

HAPPY NEW YEARS TO YOU AND YOURS!!

Kath said...

Ally I was so sad on reading this yet I am so happy too on the other hand that you have Lyn and she you.I know of the lonelyness and being seperated without the one we love, but not the never coming home,so I cannot begin to wonder what it must be like.Even though I saw my own Mother suffer after my Father died being together 70yrs from the age of three when they met at nursery school.......May I nowwish for you and yours "A Very Happy New Year 2009" and I wish you everything you wish for your self.Thankyou for your kind words and comments throughout 2008 they are much appreciated and give a cuddle to Barney and Nin will you from me..I miss them in your postings.Take Care God Bless Kath xx

Rose~* said...

Happy New Year, Ally! Haven't been around much, due to tendonitis in my wrist. So sorry about your nephew's accident. Enjoyed your Christmas pictures of the family - little ones always make Christmas seem so much more "special". As for your loss - seems like you shared such a special marriage, that nothing will replace your husband's memory. My thoughts and prayers go out to you, and may you find many blessings in the New year. (((HUGS)))

Funnyface said...

My Dearest Ally, you and Dick must have had such a happy life together, idolising each other and loving and caring for your family. You've had the most wonderful experience that life can offer, which makes it all the more harder to bear when it comes to an end.
God bless you,
Love Jaynee X

Angie said...

I'm so late reading this Ally. I wish I had read it sooner. Christmas and the New Year must be hard for you and for Lyn too. Thanks for sharing this with us.
Much love, Angie, xx

mtrib2 said...

It makes us realize what life is all about when someone has a serious health problem, that was once an active, productive person. Somehow we must go on and try to enjoy each moment we have, with the health that we have. I hope that you and Lyn (and Barney and Nin) are doing well, and staying warm. mark